Tethered Trust Read online

  “He’s hot! Not ‘okay’. Don’t act like you’re not attracted. He’s so chocolaty good looking. I’d let him melt in my mouth.”

  I gasped loudly in disbelief. “Renee!” Did she just say that? Like, I was starting to believe that this girl really had no filter.

  “So, you don’t think he’s hot?”

  “He is, but―”

  “There are no buts! He’s hot, and I think that you’re digging him more than you’re letting on. I think he likes you, too.” Bullshit!

  “He does not!”

  “How do you figure?”

  “He hasn’t tried to text me since a few nights after that session.”

  “Have you texted him?” Point to Renee, but I still thought that she was a bitch.

  “Well, no.”

  “Think about it. If you were interested in a girl that seemed to be having issues, especially around men, would you text her, or would you give her a bit of space to figure things out on her own?”

  “Maybe, but―”

  Renee shook her head. “Give it up! You need to make sure that you look delicious tonight. You’re going, and I’m going to help you bring some of that Spanish heat to the party. Cotton is not how you catch his attention.”

  Another shocker. She just didn’t stop and, unfortunately, my wishy-washy feelings weren’t up for this kind of abuse. Subject change! I held up one of the price tags. “I can’t afford any of this stuff!”

  “Let’s head to the clearance rack where I like to shop most of all. I’m sure we can find you some things and I’ll get them for you.”

  “I’m not sure that their clearance will be any better. And I can’t let you do that.”

  “Nonsense. Let’s see what they have.”

  I sighed and followed Renee to the clearance racks and bins. Renee picked up a black lace thong. “This is sexy. But we can’t take you from cotton to a lace thong.”

  “I like my cotton.”

  “And you should, on any day that you’re guaranteed not to see anybody but yourself.”

  “You just don’t hold back do you?”

  Renee laughed. “No, I get in trouble for it all the time. Let’s get you to try some of these on so we can grab lunch afterwards.” Renee was holding up satins and sexy cut panties, but I couldn’t see myself pulling off any of it. Back when I cared about matching bra and panty sets, they still weren’t as nice as the ones that she was expecting me to try on.

  “I know my sizes. Why do I need to try them on?”

  “Do I need to teach you everything? We have to make sure that the colors look good on you. Plus, trying them on is half the fun.”

  “If you say so.” I sighed inwardly and tried to get into the spirit of things, but I wasn’t convinced yet.

  “Grab a room, and I’ll pick up some more things to bring to you.”

  I followed her orders and I waited for my torture to begin. I tried on ten sets, and Renee scrapped only one. I’ll admit that trying the sexy lingerie on did raise my confidence. My body had more defined curves than I was used to. It reminded me of something I hadn’t considered before. I’m a woman, not that 17 year old teenage girl any more. And my body was definitely more mature than I’d remembered. Though I see myself in the mirror every day, this was the first time that I’d had purpose in my perusal. I was so used to trying not to bring attention to myself that I’d forgotten to look at me too.

  I made a face in the mirror while taking a serious look at myself. I had more curves than I liked, too. I maintained a small frame, but the rest was all anatomy. The bra lifted my breasts even more and rounded them out nicely. The panties only added to the appeal. I couldn’t help but get giddy about the fact that Master J would see me in them. For whatever reason, I wanted to see Master J drool over me. I needed a confirmation that he was truly attracted to me, not hearsay. For the first time ever, I desired to be lusted over, and Master J wasn’t a bad person to start with. He came highly recommended and a squeaky-clean rap sheet.

  When I came out of the room, Vanessa was already paying for my things at the counter. As I walked toward her to see my damage, she turned to me, handed me the bag and tucked away the receipt and card into her purse.

  “Can I have that?” I pointed to the receipt.

  “Nope! We know they fit, so there’ll be no reason to return them. You can exchange colors without a receipt, so therefore you don’t need it for anything.”

  “How much did you spend?” I stood with my hand on my hip waiting for her to dodge my question.

  “Not enough. If it makes you feel better, I used a coupon, too!”

  “You didn’t buy yourself anything.”

  “The day is young. Hungry?”

  I don’t know why, but instead of getting angry at the situation, I became giddy. I was beginning to wonder if they had pumped happiness into the air here at the mall. For whatever reason, the longer I stayed here with Renee, the more at ease I felt. Maybe stress shopping did work. And if that was a form of therapy, I was doomed, because I was actually feeling better. I owned brand new underwear, and I didn’t have to dip into my savings to make it happen. I spent most of my money on Mama and Angelica to make sure that they had everything that they needed. Plus, though Renee was a pain in my side, I was having a great time with her. We stopped at a few places on the way to the food court where Renee shopped, and we chatted. It was the first time in six years that I’d been carefree enough to enjoy my time with another person my age.

  Once we hit the food court, we decided on a weird arrangement of foods and went in for the kill. We had pizza, French fries, smoothies, tomato mozzarella salad, and shrimp fried rice because it all looked delicious. We created a buffet of our own and ate what we wished. I totally didn’t think we were going to finish even half of what we had.

  “Renee, I just wanted to say thanks for everything. I had fun today.”

  Renee sighed instead of giving me that happy go lucky smile she was known for. “Vanessa, I really like you. That’s why I feel obligated to tell you the truth.”

  “Okay.” I lowered my spoon to my plate, preparing for the other shoe to drop.

  “I didn’t buy the lingerie.”

  “You stole it?” I exclaimed.

  “No!”

  “Then what do you mean?”

  “I mean that wasn’t my credit card.”

  “You used a hot credit card to buy all that stuff?” I stood, and she grabbed my hand before I got away from her.

  “Sit!”

  I looked at her wearily. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

  “I will if you sit down. You’re drawing unwanted attention.”

  I looked around and saw people looking at us suspiciously. I sat down and peered at her. “Talk fast.”

  “Jamar paid for all of your stuff.”

  “Who?”

  “Oh!” Renee laughed. “Sorry, Master J. His name is Jamar.”

  “What?” I shrieked. “Are you serious?” Time out! I spent one evening with him and now he’s buying me lingerie. I didn’t know whether to be flattered or creeped. I didn’t need this to become a situation where I developed a stalker. I know that my expression probably showed how slimy I was feeling right now but I couldn’t help it. What in the hell was he doing? I exhaled slowly.

  “Listen. That’s how I know he likes you. He paid for you to have wonderful things to wear for the scenes with him.”

  “That’s ridiculous and passive aggressive.” And creepy. I started to sweat, and the air grew hot as the walls began to close in around me. My anxiety was rising beyond control and my thoughts were raising. I needed to breathe, but my airways felt too narrow to inhale more than a few puffs.

  “Maybe. Listen, he was worried about you experiencing sub-drop for the past few days. He knew he couldn’t just swoop in to save the day, so he sent me to do his dirty work. Tell me you don’t want to look nice for him when you see him tonight.”

  “I hadn’t even planned to go until
you talked me into it earlier. This sounds like trouble, Renee, and I don’t want any part of it. We need to take these things back to the store.”

  “No, we don’t. How many guys have you had trouble with?”

  “Two.”

  “Out of how many relationships?”

  “One.”

  “What? So, you had issues with a guy that wasn’t even yours? What, was he a stalker?”

  “Exactly.”

  Renee looked a bit stunned. I didn’t blame her. “Vanessa, Jamar’s not like that. Mistress X has known him for a few years and they’re good friends. If he ever messed with you, she’d knock him on his ass.”

  “Not all women can stand up to every guy.”

  “That’s true, but what you’re failing to see is that that line of thinking doesn’t apply. She won’t need to interfere because if he wasn’t trustworthy, he wouldn’t be held to the high standard that Mistress X demands. I’d never let him hurt you. I know that we haven’t known each other long, but I consider you a friend, and I always take care of my girls.” We stared at each other in silence. She was gauging my reaction, and I was thinking of a way out. “Vanessa, give him a chance.”

  “I hear you.” Mistress X had given him a good reference. It didn’t mean that I wouldn’t be careful, though. Regardless of how far this went, I wanted to keep my head clear when I made these kinds of decisions. “Why does he think I was experiencing sub-drop?”

  “Because you are.”

  I flinched. “I’m not.”

  “Think about your emotions since last Thursday. Don’t answer out loud. Have you been feeling unusually lonely? More anxious than usual? Tired? A bit depressed? Clingy? On edge? Like you can’t catch the ground? Emotionally raw?”

  I didn’t need to think about the questions. “Yes, but that’s because I should be getting my period soon.”

  “How soon? Do you normally feel these things?”

  I weighed out what she was saying, and she was right. I usually don’t want to be around people when it’s that time of the month. I couldn’t get enough cuddle time with Angelica this week. More importantly, I’ve been feeling bratty, and that’s something that I haven’t ever felt. I didn’t respond to her verbally, I just kind of stared at her.

  “That’s what I thought. Give him a chance. Even if it’s only during the sessions with him, flirt a bit. Find out if there’s something there between you guys. You won’t know unless you try. Like I told you earlier, you’ve got all that Spanish fire inside and it’s about time to let the cat out of the bag, Mamacita.”

  I laughed. “¡Dios Mio!”

  “See! Let it out, señorita!”

  I laughed. “I’ll think about it. You’ve talked me into more than enough today.”

  “That’s all I can ask for. What time do I need to let you go so you can be ready on time?”

  “I have to get dinner ready by five.”

  “Alright, well let’s wrap up so that we can get you to the club.”

  “How does he know?”

  Renee was closing the food containers when she looked over at me confused. “Know what?”

  “That I was experiencing sub-drop.”

  Renee bit the side of her lip. “Mistress X and I give him updates on your mood when we talk to you. Since you are wary of him, he asked me to keep a look out for you.”

  “Like I’m some kind of pet or child?” I tried to keep the frustration out of my voice but failed. I wouldn’t be treated like some insolent child.

  “No, at the club, the submissives look out for one another. That includes emotionally, too. You’ve seemed down lately, and I wanted to make sure that you were going to be taken care of. We, especially me, didn’t mean to offend you.”

  “Right,” I said sarcastically. I tried not to let it all bother me, but it did. “I don’t want to get into any trouble for being late, so we should go.”

  Renee was packing up the trays and stopped. “Are you sure? I bet even his punishments are hot!”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her as we cleared the table and headed off for more shopping fun. As much as I wanted to be upset with her, her intentions were good. At least I hoped. She didn’t have to spend the day with me today, trying to make me feel better. The same with Master J. I was going to try to be a bit more appreciative of what they were doing for me, but it was hard. I would try to find a way to relax more with Master J. Renee was right. He hadn’t made any direct moves toward me, and it appeared as if he was trying to give me space to work out my issues. I know that all guys aren’t bad, but any aggressive moves create a negative physical reaction that’s difficult to shake.

  At five o’clock, I served Mama’s favorite spaghetti with chilies, Angelica’s favorite cheesy garlic bread, and apple cheesecake empanadas for me. At the dinner table, we talked about our day, and I decided that this was the perfect time to talk to Mama.

  I turned to her and anxiety started to build. This was all so new. For the last six years, I’d focused on rebuilding a safe life for the three of us. We’d gotten to a point where we didn’t feel the need to look over our shoulders with every move that we made. We were safe. We had the things that we needed. But I still went to school, my internship, and then came straight home. I didn’t live beyond those boundaries unless it was related directly to school. I was about to step outside of those lines to find a much better way to cope. Hopefully, she would be okay with keeping Angelica on Thursday nights.

  “Mamá, I’ve met a group of really nice people, and they want to hang out on Thursday nights. Are you okay with keeping Angelica for me?”

  “Of course. You need to get out and have some fun, especially outside of school. You’re young and need to experience life. Don’t worry about us. We’ll just make it our girl’s night in. We can watch movies and polish our nails.”

  I smiled. “Thanks!” I looked over at Angelica. “Is that alright with you, Angelica?”

  “I want to have fun with Nana.” My baby was getting so big. I didn’t like that she didn’t need me as much as she used to.

  “You’ll be okay?”

  “Nana will keep me safe.”

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  “What time will you meet?” Mama asked.

  “Seven o’clock.”

  “Eat up so you can go have a good time.” They say that mothers are always right. Who am I to argue?

  I showered and dressed more carefully tonight. I put on a pair of jeans, fitted t-shirt, khaki military jacket, flats, and put my hair into a high ponytail. I got to the club with ten minutes to spare, and I texted Renee.

  Me: I’m here. Where are you?

  Her: In the room waiting on you. Can you find your way back or do you need help?

  Me: I’ll be fine. C u soon.

  I walked into the room and saw Mistress X sitting on the couch. Renee rushed to me and we hugged.

  “Ready?” she asked while studying me.

  “Yes, but nervous.”

  “You’ll be fine. You know the rules and you’re running out of time.”

  I toed off my shoes and shed my clothes quickly. I put them on the chair off to the side and came back to my designated spot. I kneeled and tried to relax.

  “No, you’re not doing it right.” Renee kneeled in front of me and showed me her form. I followed her movements and felt the difference instantly.

  “You have to relax. This time is supposed to be spent thinking about all of the ways that you’ll please him during this scene. You want your body to be relaxed and ready for use. You want to clear your mind and get rid of your inhibitions because you hope that he’ll push you further than you’re ready to go. When you step into this room, you’re no longer in charge, and you want your body to convey that as much as possible.”

  I nodded and tried to relax as much as I could. I thought about everything that she said, and it made it a bit easier to kneel here. I did want to please Master J, and the fact that he’d been taking care of me indirectly all week made
this easier. She placed her hands on top of mine and we sat silently together until I heard the door creak and I froze again.

  “Relax, chica.” Renee whispered.

  And just like that, I did.

  Chapter 9: Jamar

  I walked into the room expecting Vanessa to either not be here or to be late. But she was neither. She was exactly where I needed her to be, and she looked amazing. She was wearing my favorite color, and there was no way that she knew it. Renee was kneeling in front of her, talking to her and helping her with her form. She looked up instantly, and I nodded my okay to her. She exhaled and said something to Vanessa before she stood and scurried away. I put my bag on the same table that I used last time and then walked over to Vanessa. I put my hand on her neck and she tensed.

  “You look very delectable, pet.”

  “Thank you, Sir. I figured if you were kind enough to purchase them, that I should wear them for you.”

  Renee had told her, huh? Good. I like that she had taken extra care tonight to make sure that she looked nice for me. I could also smell her delicious strawberry fragrance. My favorite would always be her natural scent that was always much stronger after a scene. She was wearing a red satin push up bra that displayed her breasts wickedly. Her panties were boy shorts that were red satin in the front, but the back was very sheer lace. I could only imagine what her ass would look like in the air with them on. Fan-fucking-tastic.

  I chuckled, liking the playfulness of her tone. “Stand, pet. Time to negotiate.”

  Vanessa stood with less finesse than I liked, but she would get there. I walked her over to the implement rack. “I think I like the idea of you having the implements prepared for me. Make sure that when you kneel, that you have selected the appropriate impact items, and have them in front of you.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “I see you’ve straightened your hair today.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “I preferred it curly.”

  “Duly noted.” She frowned more to herself than to me. She’d tried to please me with her choices tonight. Fuck if that didn’t make me feel a king. Time to reward her a little.

  “How did you know that red was my favorite color?”